Illustration: The Magazine of Yoga
Pedicure, Anyone?
Observations of a Fifty Something Housewife
BY MAGAZINE COLUMNIST MORA HECHT
I just completed the three stages of colonoscopy screening: panic, fear, panic,
acceptance…and more panic.
Necessary Delusions
For me, the word screening conjures up, “Say ahhh”…not lie down and let me put a tube up your nether regions. Anticipating my response, my husband suggested we refer to the procedure as my “pedicure.” Sounds better, don’t you think?
Preparations for this “pedicure” included three days without salads, raw vegetables, fruits or nuts; the mainstay of my daily diet. Throwing caution to the wind, I used this restriction to my advantage; after all I would be experiencing a “Roto-Rooter,” of sorts.
Chocolates and Doughnuts
Without the slightest bit of remorse or hesitation, I devour an entire white cheese and mushroom pizza, a tray of delightful chocolate truffles and a cinnamon bun, glazed in all its glory.
One can’t help but feel comforted as luscious layers of this soft, buttery sweet confection hit your palate, the best antidote I know for a bout of fear induced stress.
The day of prep and the menu consists of clear liquids; mainly broth, Jell-O, ice pops and MoviPrep, a cocktail which clears out your system.
The truth is, once you’ve embraced the idea that you are doing something good for yourself, the nerves settle down and honestly, it’s just like a day at the spa. You dine on broth and tea, and end the evening with a cleansing that restores not only luster to your skin, but flattens your belly.
Arriving for your “pedicure” the next morning you feel light as a feather.
An “attendant” leads you to what looks surprisingly like a massage table, covers you with warmed blankets and off you go to dreamland. Before you can say “colonoscopy” you awake to juice, cookies and the knowledge that all is well from the bottom up!
PSA
March is National Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month. If everyone 50 and older was screened regularly, 60% of deaths from this cancer could be avoided.
Drinking the citrusy mix, (think 7-Up and a salted margarita glass), is honestly not so bad. And the time spent sitting on your “throne” is a chance to catch up on your reading.
There is no pain and the actual time of your screening is a mere fifteen to twenty minutes, tops! You spend more time than that standing in line for a cup of Joe.
Show no fear…you’re worth it!
Read Mora all month long, blogging with her pearls on, at Is Anybody Else Hot?
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© 2011, The Magazine of Yoga, LLC.
